Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, “Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!” She said, “I know — you’re bad luck.”
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Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.
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Employees make the best dates. You don’t have to pick them up and they’re always tax-deductible.
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I date this girl for two years — and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’
An elderly couple were sitting in their rockers on the porch watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days,” when the woman turned to the man and said, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”
The man looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
With a little smile, the woman then said, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”
The elderly man leaned slowly toward his wife and gave her a lingering kiss on her cheek.
The woman then smiled and said, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”
The man slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Startled, the old woman said, “Honey, where are you going?”
Her husband yelled back excitedly, “To get my teeth!”
Two college friends met for coffee on Saturday morning.
“How was your blind date?” one girl asked the other.
“Aweful!” the other answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”
“Wow! That’s a very expensive classic car. What’s so bad about that?”
The disappointed college student replied, “He was the original owner.”